May 2010 30

Dreams and desires are arbitrary and can being quick to change, sometimes turning into traumatic nightmares. The depths of these fanciful notions are unpredictable, inescapable, ordeals which abstractly allude to the daily perplexing, volatile strife occurring in reality. And with a major fall into devastation, all burning passions become quick to vanish.

The end of the night is a sweet
Dawn of another state of existence
An escape from reality to cosmic
Dreams of least resistance

A place in perfect bliss my
Nirvana had sunny tranquil skies
Where emotions can run free
Feeling passion as natural highs

Temptations had no consequence
For there would be no reproach
Since love was free like fish in the sea
No greed was felt to unjustly poach

So fiery emotions danced fervently
Immersed in warmth of an embrace
Wrapped in sweet angelic comfort
Eternally soft in a glorious place

But occasionally a recurring
Enigmatic shadow crept
Its essence, was like an alter ego
Haunting me as I slept

Its darkness came revealed leaving
Storm clouds of travesty
Blurring the boundaries between
My dreams and reality

Overcast bitter skies foresaw
From within my static slumber
An impending hurricane-reality
Stirred violently with blazing disorder

A dementia, shaking and breaking
We moved in various directions
Destroyed benign surroundings
Fiery with forbidding intentions

The prior nirvana which existed
In stability before the storm
Burst from impulsive iniquity
Setting ablaze this toxic swarm

Unpredictably it shifted courses
In chaos and confusion
Transfixed, my psyche remained
Stuck in this trance of illusion

The blundering tumult finally ended
In a muddle of scrap and clutter
Then all was left abandoned
To remain in hopeless acrid smolder

In wake my mind had escaped from
The tumultuous storm of distress
But traces still lingered through the
Day causing relentless neurosis

Chocked in despair and desolation
My subconscious would just discern
That love was a disguise of rage
An insatiable desire meant to burn

Evanesce.

- Mary Colleen Tan Roxas

May 2010 16

“Learning is the discovery that something is possible. You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. And when we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.”

At the left are some beautiful cloud formations that Vance and I saw as we were looking out the window of the Main building. Lately I have been more observant and started noticing all the little things in my everyday surroundings that typically get overlooked or disregarded. By becoming more attentive in this way I have made fresh new discoveries. Looking around at everything and finding fascination in the nature that surrounded me have lead me to appreciate these little pieces of beauty in life. By finding aestheticism that surrounds us, I can look curiously with pleasure and gratitude just as much as a child finds entertainment in their fresh discoveries.

Like today, it was also interesting to observe the imaginative games that some children were playing outside the tennis courts. These group of kids had some inventive vision about survival and trying to “get to the next level” which was so amusing. They looked around 5-6 years old or something, 3 of them were girls, and 3 of them were boys. All of them paraded, one after another, climbing around these bar things and struggling to balance without falling into the “lava.” (I’m not sure what these bar things are for, but I think they are some large equipment used for football or something.)

Of course, the “lava” was the grass that surrounded them, and they treated the line of equipment as a huge obstacle course to get to the “lost treasure” which they sought to find as an accomplishment to getting to the “next level.” With random outbursts they would say things like, “You have to survive! Level 5 is the last level! Look! I think I see the treasure!” Then they would peak through these L-shaped beams that looked like large telescopes to them. Peeping through these pretend telescopes they discovered “sparkles” which meant that they were getting close to whatever treasure they needed to find. Quickly after their discovery they climbed up a set of railings with these weird cylindric foam things that stuck out in between that they began to sit and bounce on as “horses.” While riding they were like, “hurry! we have to get on that train before it leaves! we have to get the key or we will not survive! does everyone still have power in them? I have lightning power! I have tornado! I have water power!” Then they hopped quickly off their horses and started to run off towards another set of equipment nearby. They then began tapping the bars with little metal poles which made ringing sounds as a kid yelled, “All aboard! All aboard! Hurry get on the train!” Another kid randomly shouted, “I want beef jerky now!” As they continued running around and hopping to get on the “train” a kid randomly yelled, “touch the sticks so you are on the good team!” Finally, they all ran around laughing and screaming, “ahhh there’s a vampire! runnn!”

Watching them play imaginatively in another reality of their mind was just amusing, and made me miss when I used to be as energetic and playful. Nowadays, there is a certain age point where if you act this way it’s considered really crazy, unless you’re purposely trying to entertain a crowd and play pretend in the theater or something. Analyzing this playful nature and quick figurative associations with their surroundings made me wonder just why they do that, besides having fun of course.  I guess they’re still just understanding the difference between reality and fantasy by experimenting in pretend roles. They seem to find a way to represent their experiences in symbolic ways to express their feelings about the social world. It’s always interesting to see how they think so creatively compared to an adult may have started to lose such thinking skills.

Some days I wish I could go back in time when I could be a kid again, feeling free from responsibility and worry. Where thoughts can run as wild as I want, and wander into streams of imagination. Childhood was a fun time when the unknown was always curious to us, and when we made so many entertaining discoveries that easily amused us. Everyday, I still try to find little things around me to appreciate and treasure what life has to offer.

So today, there were some flowers I noticed in the grass where the kids were playing. Of all the times I had come to play tennis here, I never seemed to have noticed these bright purplish-pink flowers scattered along with other weeds, grass, and buttercups. I may have seen them before, but never took the time to actually observe them closer with regard. To me, I found them to be very alluring in color, standing out against the plain grass. This little finding may seem simpleminded, but I guess I just like to look deeper into seeing something to appreciate. Everyday now, I want to try to make a new discovery in some way, continually being as curious and playful as a child, so that I can find blissful satisfaction in what life has to offer. With these findings, I hope to uncover and learn something new, come to some revelations, and continue to be a pioneer of creative invention throughout the vast land of life.

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